Category Archives: Issue 19

Shimmer #19: Flashy Valise

Shimmer 19
Shimmer #19

I am notorious in some circles for flash fiction being a super hard sell with me. This is chiefly because most flash seems to exist to set up a pun, or doesn’t actually do anything with all the awesome bits it contains. I find it uncommon for flash to tell a whole story.

Rachael Acks proves that it’s possible to a) write flash that contains awesome things, b) write flash that contains a whole and shimmery story, and c) sell me flash.

She sets the bar pretty dang high, this one. I hope you’ll enjoy “List of Items in Leather Valise Found on Welby Crescent” as much as we do. Check her interview too, where we talk about rocks. Rachael rocks–go read!

 

List of Items in Leather Valise Found on Welby Crescent by Alex Acks

Description: Dark brown leather valise, ~29,300 cubic centimeters in volume. Pigskin lining intact, beef leather exterior badly degraded. Waterlogged, and upon arrival sported a generous coating of rotting leaves. Remnants of blood were found on one exterior corner of the valise.

Contents:

1 packet of facial tissues, partially used

2 facial tissues, used, crumpled

1 day planner [see attached transcript for details] with regular appointments: Tuesday Sales Meeting, and AA Meeting

1 charger for Blackberry smartphone

3 tubes of lip balm, partially used (manufacturer: Chapstik; plain, plain, and cherry-flavored)

1 plain white number 10 envelope, opened, somewhat dirty, addressed to: A. R.

Contents of envelope:

1 ticket stub for Dr. Birrenbaum’s Stupendous Sideshow, with subtitle: Feel the Raw Power of the Ferocious Tiger Boy! Hear the Heartbreaking Song of the Bird Woman! Dream Darkly as You Gaze Upon the Siren!

1 condom wrapper, empty (manufacturer: Trojan)

1 flight feather, species unknown, golden in color, broken

1 gold wedding band

1 cameo (shell) image of unknown woman, inscribed with: In Loving Memory, broken

6 pens (5 ballpoint, 1 Parker brand fountain with gold nib)

1 Gold Rolex watch inscribed with: My darling A. R., love [scratched out and unreadable], perpetual movement shattered

1 Blackberry smartphone, broken [Note: See attached file for recovered contact list; no hits yet, messages left.]

3 pictures recovered from SIM card:

  1.  color, picture of newspaper photograph, portrait of woman similar to cameo image [Note: No facial match from missing persons.]
  2.  color, same woman on stage, wearing artificial wings composed of golden feathers
  3.  color, same woman, nude on blanket, manacle around one ankle, weeping [Note: Picture is blurry, appears to have been taken through glass.]

1 metal bottle screw-cap (manufacturer: Jack Daniels)

1 empty stainless steel hip flask, plain, cap broken

1 20-piece lockpick set (manufacturer: Tyro) in cloth case, three picks bent, two missing

1 Smith & Wesson M-31-1 revolver

5 .32 bullets

1 Weekly World News (date: 21.9.16) folded to page three on article with headline: Bird Woman on the Loose! [Note: In the article, the “Bird Woman” is said to have escaped from Dr. Birrenbaum’s Stupendous Sideshow, injuring a security guard in the process, and be at large in the Rotterdam woods.]

1 “fortune” from fortune cookie (manufacturer: Feizou), reading: If you love something, let it go.

3 red maple leaves [Note: different species from those found coating the outside of the valise]

1 flight feather, species unknown, golden in color, unbroken

1 heart, mother of pearl, unbroken

fin

Interview with the author! | Buy Shimmer #19 | Subscribe

Shimmer #19, “Jane”

Margaret Dunlap
Margaret Dunlap

How awesome is Margaret Dunlap? Pretty darn!

She was a writer and co-executive producer on The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, which won a motherfucking Emmy, and also co-created Welcome to Sanditon, Pemberley Digital’s follow-up project.

Somehow, “Jane” is Margaret’s first published short fiction, and we are so very pleased to share it with you in Shimmer #19! You can also learn more about Margaret and “Jane” in our interview. Maybe next time, I’ll ask her why her twitter handle includes “spy.” Deep down, she’s gotta be James Bond…right? Right!

Or…

“Bennet…Lizzie Bennet…”

 

Jane, by Margaret Dunlap
Interview with Margaret Dunlap
Buy Shimmer Issue #19
Subscribe for a Year

 

fin

Jane by Margaret Dunlap

“–JANE?”

I had heard Rob’s question. It’s just that while I was in the middle of performing CPR in the back of an ambulance on a patient who had been very stable until he had all of a sudden up and crashed, I wasn’t going to stop and answer it. It was a stupid question anyway. Not that that stopped Rob from repeating it.

“You okay back there, Jane?”

Oh, I was great. The ambulance was barreling towards the hospital as fast as L.A. traffic could get out of our way, and I was dead certain we weren’t going to make it.

Pause for accuracy.

The patient wasn’t going to make it. Barring taking a Beemer up the ass, we were going to be just fucking fine. John Doe on the other hand? The best I was going to accomplish with CPR was to give him a few cracked ribs to go with his sudden cardiac arrest. Still, we all do our best. So I stopped to check for a pulse.

Then I checked the machines.

Then I checked my patient again because I do not trust machines to tell me if someone is alive or dead.

“Jane—?”

I didn’t let Rob finish. “I’ve got a rhythm.”

Rob didn’t take his eyes off the road as he called back, “You’ve got what?!?”

“He’s alive,” I said.

And that’s when the asshole sat up and bit me.

You will not believe the paperwork you have to fill out when you save someone’s life, and then your ungrateful patient turns around and bites you. The forms that pile up when said patient then spits a glob of your flesh into your partner’s lap, which causes your partner to drive your ambulance into a utility pole are truly staggering.

And then, to add insult to literal injury, after we finally finished the paperwork, they put Rob and me both on leave for thirty days.

“I should have just let him die, Gina,” I said. “At least then he wouldn’t have bitten me, and I could still work.”

I hate not working. At least, that was the excuse I gave to Gina. Gina was my last foster mom. We met when I was fourteen and had no interest in having another mother, and even less of a skill-set for being a daughter. But something must have rubbed off because here I was, calling her to not admit that I might have HIV or drug-resistant hepatitis, or that I was scared to death.

A car full of club kids honked on their way up to Sunset and obscured whatever Gina said in response. Conrad, my bull mastiff who does not—it turns out—like loud noises, peed himself.

“What was that?” asked Gina after the car had passed.

I lied without thinking. “The TV.”

“Uh huh.”

“If I told you I was out, you’d worry.”

A sigh from the other side of the phone. “I worry anyway.”

I could have pointed out there was no point in her asking then, but I’m not a total tool. It wasn’t like I wanted her to worry. “I’m not alone. I’m walking a bull mastiff.”

“Conrad is blind.”

“Muggers don’t know that.”

Well, they wouldn’t have, except Conrad chose that moment to walk into a Westside Rentals sign. I cringed. Even with the day I’d had, I should have seen that for him.

Too cool to admit he hadn’t meant to face-plant the sign, Conrad stopped to sniff at it. It wasn’t fooling anyone, but I didn’t push the issue. We all have our coping strategies, and Conrad’s past—I suspected—rivaled my own. I never asked the nice people at the shelter what exactly they had rescued him from. I have enough trouble sleeping with only my own nightmares to worry about.

“Some of the kids are coming home this weekend,” Gina said.

“Oh?” I asked, even though I knew why.

“We’re going to the cemetery to visit Marissa. But after, we’ll have dinner at the house. You’re welcome if you want to come.”

Notice, Gina didn’t ask me to come. She’s very smart that way. I hadn’t been to her house in nearly three years. For my foster sister’s funeral, she had insisted.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it,” I said. Leaving out that I couldn’t stand cemeteries. I knew she knew that. And I knew she wanted me to know I was welcome anyway. I had come home for Marissa’s funeral. I hadn’t managed the interment.

Finished with the sign, Conrad sniffed the air, no doubt searching for rogue hydrants that might be throwing themselves in his path. I felt, more than heard, the low rumble of Conrad’s growl against my right calf.

Conrad never growled.

I hung up on Gina.

When a pregnant woman is on the verge of dying, it triggers a series of reactions in her body which cause her to miscarry and expel the fetus. It’s simple lizard-brain reasoning. Re-task the resources currently being used by the baby to try to tip the balance and save the mother’s life. A woman who survives could become pregnant again. An infant with a dead mother would die. In evolutionary math, one dead is always better than two dead.

But then you get the tragic case of a young couple expecting their first child, driving home from a doctor’s appointment when their car French kisses a fully-loaded garbage truck. Father-to-be was decapitated on the spot. Mother-to-be was rushed back to the hospital where she was declared brain dead. And that would have been the end of it. Except some bright bulb of the medical arts had a theory that if you crammed a woman’s blood full of drug A, drug B, and just a touch of hormones X, Y, and Z, you could fool her uterus into thinking that there was still someone at the controls upstairs and maybe it should hang onto the baby a little while longer.

And because they could do it, they did. If anyone wondered if it was a good idea, they kept quiet. And I get that. I mean, I don’t know that I’d have been able to look at a little thing wiggling on an ultrasound and pull the plug on it either. So the tubes stayed connected, the ventilators kept venting, and when the mother’s heart stopped, a machine took over that too. For two months.

Until I was born.

And people act surprised that I was kind of screwed-up from the beginning.

Conrad and I reached the intersection just as the light turned, and the car full of club kids raced off with another ear-shattering set of horn blasts. Conrad pulled on my arm, and his growl, already low, dropped to sub-sonic levels.

We crossed the street, carefully, and found an empty lot where a couple of bungalows had been ripped out. A developer had been planning to build an apartment building before the economy tanked. Now, the lots were nothing but a crop of weeds. Fortunately, the indigent population of the neighborhood was not about to let prime real estate go to waste. It wasn’t hard to find a gap in the fence, and Conrad and I pushed through.

We found it towards the back of the lot.

Pause for accuracy.

We found them.

gen_illo_topHidden from the sidewalk and the neighbors by the fence and high weeds, the lot had become a pretty nice little homeless camp. Half a dozen piles of blankets around a fire pit, an old bucket under a standpipe outlet, even a small TV propped on a milk crate. Well, it had been nice before my very bitey John Doe arrived and ripped the occupants limb from limb. I have a good memory for the faces of people who cause me pain, and there he was, taking a bite out of some poor bastard’s calf, right through his jeans.

I froze. Conrad froze. John Doe looked up from his dinner and saw me.

John Doe opened his mouth. I could see a bit of denim stuck between his teeth. “Jane,” he said.

I am not proud of this, but I screamed like a little girl. Screamed like I hadn’t screamed since I’d found nice Uncle Antonio hanging in the basement when I was five. The cannibalism part was bad enough. What really freaked me out was that I was pretty sure I’d never introduced myself to him. John Doe lurched towards me. I ran. So did Conrad.

Unfortunately, Conrad and I chose different directions.

By the time I realized that, John Doe was tangled in Conrad’s leash, and I was wrenched around right on top of them. I put my hands out to catch my fall and slammed into John Doe’s chest, taking us both to the ground. I could feel his skin rip against the friction of his shirt, and as I scrambled to my feet, my hands came away wet. I threw up on them.

It was an improvement.

I stood there and looked down at John Doe, unmoving on the ground, lying in a growing pool of bull mastiff urine.

Pause for accuracy.

It might not have been entirely bull mastiff urine.

I would like to say that finding a man whose life I had saved eating a homeless guy less than a block from my apartment who dropped dead as soon as I touched him was when my training kicked in and that I proceeded to calmly alert the authorities like the emergency professional that I was.

I did manage to call 911.

When I told the nice paramedic who showed up what happened, he gave me a sedative.

I woke up in the ER with Gina holding my hand.

“Wha—urg…?

That was supposed to be “What are you doing here?” But my mouth was all gluey from whatever they had given me.

Seeing that I was awake, Gina let go of my hand. “You still list me as an emergency contact in your phone. You had a bad reaction to the sedative and started seizing. They almost lost you.”

Gina got up, filled a plastic cup with water, and helped me sit up to drink.

“Conrad?” I asked once my mouth was unglued.

“I took him back to your apartment.” Gina took the cup of water back and refilled it.

I drank again. “How long?”

“Most of the night.”

I glanced over to the clock beside the bed. It was nearly five AM. I looked back at Gina. She looked terrible. “Sorry to keep you up.”

She shrugged and smiled. “I didn’t have other plans.”

“They going to let me out?”

“The doctor said something about getting a psych consult.”

I was sure he had.

I looked at Gina. “Will you help me sneak out before the shrink gets here?”

“No. I don’t enable stupid decisions.”

I will give Gina this: she doesn’t beat around the bush. And she had certainly raised her share of epically stupid children who made epically stupid decisions. I however, was not one of them.

“Why don’t you get something to eat? I’m awake now, and you look like hell.”

Gina shook her head, then leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead. It was her way of telling me that she loved me even when I was being an idiot. I lay there and let her. That was my way of telling her the same thing. “Call me,” she said, and then she left.

I gave her enough time to let the doctor know I was checking out against medical advice. Then I found my clothes and snuck out by the back stairs.

I meant to call Gina. I really did. But, while I’d felt okay when I left the hospital, by the time I stumbled off the bus two blocks from home, I was almost sick enough to consider going back. Except for the fact that I’d promised myself I would never again enter a hospital as a patient under my own power. Luckily, Gina was used to me being the kind of crappy too-old foster daughter who promises to call but never does. I had, after all, given her plenty of opportunities to practice.

Conrad met me at the door as I stumbled in, whining with concern. I let him out to pee, crawled into bed, and we both hid under the covers, waiting for whatever happened next.

The first day, I managed to let Conrad outside twice.

The second day, I let him pee in the bathtub, or at least, near the bathtub.

On the third day, I felt better. I showered, dressed, and was just about to take Conrad out for a walk when someone knocked on the door. Which was odd. No one ever knocked on my door.

“Go away,” I said.

There’s probably a reason why no one knocks on my door.

“…Jane?” It was Rob.

That was surprising enough that I opened the door, Rob and I have a very successful partnership because we don’t bother each other. Before he showed up on my doorstep, I would have sworn he didn’t actually know where I lived. But there he was. I opened the door and he came inside. Apparently, he didn’t mind the smell of dog pee.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Jane?”

“Yeah…?” I started to ask, and then I realized why he didn’t seem to notice that my apartment reeked of dog piss.

I’m not an expert in these things. But my more than passing knowledge of the nature of human mortality was enough for me to say that the primary reason Rob didn’t notice the stench from the carpet was because he’d been dead for a least a day.

He looked back at me, and even I, with my sub-par people skills at the best of times, could tell that there was no one home.

“Jane…” he said.

I am not exactly proud of what happened next. All I can say in my defense is that when you grow up the way I did, you tend to have indelicate reactions to threats. Even though he was Rob, my partner, the guy who remembered to ask for extra salsa for me when we stopped at Taco Plus, the second I saw those eyes, my fist snapped forward, and I slugged him.

I remember the feel of his flesh against mine. It was warm. Not human warm. Room warm. A second later he collapsed, falling to the floor like a sack of meat. He didn’t move.

I looked at him there, lying on my carpet.

I hit hard for a girl.

I don’t hit that hard.

Three days earlier, I’d been doing CPR on a dead man who woke up and bit me and then spat a glob of my flesh onto my partner. Then I’d gotten sick. Then I’d gotten better. I wondered if Rob had gotten sick too, so sick he died. And then he’d gotten better. Until I touched him, and he became a pile of flesh on my landlord’s carpet.

I checked the mirror. Skin still pink. Pulse still strong. I got a thermometer from my kit and took my temperature. My apartment was warm in the afternoon sun, but not ninety-eight degrees warm.

I was alive.

I packed a backpack for me and another for Conrad, locked the door, and didn’t look back.

I’ve never learned to drive, which is an unusual lifestyle choice for someone who lives in Los Angeles, but not for someone whose parents died in a car accident before she was born. Once again: screwed-up, yes. Stupid, no. When I was traveling on my own, I took the bus. Since Conrad, I’d bought a bike. The sun was sinking towards the Pacific, already silhouetting palm trees over Beverly Hills, so I turned the opposite direction and started riding South and East, Conrad easily loping alongside.

I have seen some strange things in the course of my life. I have done even stranger. I say with confidence that biking through Los Angeles, my blind dog and I quietly killing the walking dead while the rest of the city went on with its Saturday night—still, for the moment, oblivious—tops the list.

A roller-derby girl.

Two guys coming out of Rosco’s.

Three passengers on the number four bus.

A student out walking alone in the wrong part of town.

The victims got more numerous as I passed downtown. I also noticed Conrad became more and more certain of his direction. He even got out ahead of the bike, which he usually doesn’t, what with not being able to see and all. When I caught him stepping around a parking sign on a street I was sure we had never visited, I stopped worrying about it. As long as he didn’t turn around and say my name, it wasn’t my problem. He wanted to take the lead; he could be my guest.

“Jane…”

“Jane…”

“Jane…”

gen_illo_botTo my relief, the gates at the County Cemetery had long been locked for the night when we arrived: proof against taggers, vandals, and the homeless. I tugged on Conrad’s leash, and when he didn’t move, grabbed his collar. Conrad planted himself and refused to budge. I listened, but for the first time in hours, I couldn’t hear anyone calling my name.

Then, in the silence…my phone rang.

I checked the caller ID on my cracked screen. It was Gina. I was standing outside the gates of the cemetery where my foster sister was buried. Three years ago that day.

In the dimness beyond the cemetery gate, I saw the glow of a cell phone screen.

I answered the call.

“Jane?”

“Yes?”

“Jane…”

I couldn’t speak. Oh please, for the love of an unloving God, say something else.

“Jane…”

I watched the glow of the phone inside the cemetery. I quietly hung up, and the distant screen flared brighter, then died.

It could have been coincidence. Could have been some other person standing in the middle of a cemetery in the middle of the night, happening to finish a call at the same moment I hung up. Could have been.

I slipped my phone into my pocket. I dropped Conrad’s leash. Then, I grabbed the fence, and began to climb.

There were no lights in the cemetery at night, but the city glow was enough to see where I was going. I could hear the guard dogs in the distance, howling at the invasion of their territory, but too cowardly to get anywhere near what I was approaching.

I pulled a pair of latex gloves out of my pocket and slipped them on. Whatever I was about to see, I didn’t want to touch it.

She was still standing, at least. Looked like she hadn’t been dead very long.

“Jane.”

One word. Four letters. Rhymes with pain, rain, and stain. I’ve never liked it much.

Except that hearing her say it, I could feel my heart cracking open in my chest.

“Jane.”

“I—”

I tried to answer her. But I couldn’t. She didn’t say my name again. Maybe she was waiting for me to continue. But I couldn’t. So we stood there.

I stood there until I couldn’t stand anymore, and then I sat.

At some point. I started crying.

She just stood there. Waiting.

I don’t know how long I was at the cemetery. Eventually, I think I slept. And woke. And maybe slept again. Around us, the city had realized what was happening and was losing its collective shit, but no one wanted to be anywhere near a cemetery, and so we were left alone.

I remember lying on the ground, looking up at what used to be Gina standing over me. Death and fear and longing looking out at me through her drying eyes.

She had reached out a hand for me. All I had to do was reach back.

I don’t know why I’m different. Maybe it has nothing to do with being gestated by machines in the body of a dead woman. When some new bright spark of the medical arts figures out what makes the dead rise, maybe we’ll know. Of course, most people just want to know who this “Jane” person is, and why the dead ask for her. They don’t know that zombies collapse at her touch. Or that when she talks, they listen. Ultimately, I’m not sure that’s the most screwed-up thing about me.

Conrad and I caught the first ride leaving the city that would have us. It took us to Detroit. The next one went to Tennessee. I don’t remember the one after that, but there were plenty more.

I was fourteen when I met Gina, and I thought I had everything figured out. I thought it was too late for me to have a mother. I thought I didn’t need one. I thought I didn’t deserve one.

My multiple mothers had raised one more stupid child than I had thought.

But I’m learning. After a particularly hard day, or when I especially hate myself, I’ll call. When I think that no matter how many of the undead I put an end to with my touch, it will never make up for the dozens I may have infected with my still-oozing bite wound as I rode the bus home from the hospital; when I believe that ignorance is not an excuse, I call. Just like I promised I would if she could stay hidden, stay safe.

Sometimes, I just need to hear my mother say my name.

“Jane.”

fin

Interview with the author, Margaret Dunlap | Buy Shimmer #19 | Subscribe

Issue #19, Methods of Divination

Shimmer 19
Shimmer #19

I first encountered Tara Isabella Burton’s writing through her non-fiction, one of her travel pieces, so was excited to see her name begin to turn up regularly in Shimmer‘s submissions.

She is brand new to Shimmer‘s pages and we’re delighted to have her. Her story in Issue #19, “Methods of Divination,” is haunting and if it leaves you with a vague sense of unease at the end, it’s only proper. It’s a Shimmer story, after all.

Be sure to explore Tara’s interview, and if you haven’t dived into our cover story…well, you have such wonders to discover.

Methods of Divination by Tara Isabella Burton

But visions are not prophecies, he told me. Prophecies come true.

I sat him down and told him to tell me everything, and promised I would tell him what it meant.

“There is a place,” I told him, “where time runs back on itself, where parallel lines converge, and where visions become prophecies. Where you will be not alone. There is a place where everything is reconciled, and the great mountains that cover you in shadow will be made flat before you. The valleys that make you dizzy when you teeter on their edges will be brought to your feet when you walk. There, you will understand your visions.”

He crossed my palm with twenty-dollar bills.

“There,” I said, “you will find her.”

Prophecies are for fools.

Outside, the streets were dark and rain-slicked. They reflected the flickered neon of the streetside bodegas; I shut up the windows so that he would not see them. “Here,” I told him, “you do not have to see anything you do not want to see. Here, the roses wilt and wither, and hang like bats from the ceiling. Here, the thyme and the sage and the lemon verbena wrap around your throat as soon as you walk in. Here, even the teapot sings a song.”

The bottles rattled every time the train clattered by, spilling essence of honeysuckle and harvested tears.

Already he’d started weeping. Already he trusted me. He stood still and straight-backed in my chair, dressed in that stiff and uncertain way I had only ever seen in daguerreotypes of my great-grandfathers, with tears dribbling wasted onto the floor; he took my hands in his and pressed his forehead upon my knees and begged me to save him.

“Madame Delongpre said that you’d understand,” he said.

Madame Delongpre owed me sixty-four dollars.

“Tell me, child,” I said—in these shadows he could not see that I was even younger than he—”what is your name?”

“Michael.”

“And what do you want me to show you?”

“I have seen the signs,” he said again. “But I do not know what they mean.”

I asked him if he had considered the birds.

“Two turtle-doves came down and landed on my window-sill the night I kissed her for the first time.”

I knew all about turtle-doves. “And have you consulted any books?”

His eyes were bright and wet and I saw myself reflected in them. “The morning after we made love, I took out Virgl’s Aeneid and placed it on its spine on her side of the bed. I closed my eyes and let it fall open and then at my fingers I saw the words.”

“What did they say?”

“It’s Juno in Book Eight.

“By changeless Fate, Lavinia waits, his bride.”

“The entrails, too?”

He nodded so vigorously that the rosemary rustled from the shelves above our heads. “The morning she left me, I caught a rat on the fire escape and I gutted it, just like Madame Delongpre said, and in the entrails I saw her face.”

“But here you are.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“She won’t take my calls.”

There were other charlatans who told the future, who saw death on the palms of virgins, who cast love spells on investment bankers. I was richer than all of them. I did not need to create or destroy. All I had to do was explain.

“From the beginning,” Michael said, “I had visions. I dreamed of her, long before I met her. I used to wake up in the night and rush to the window and throw up out over 63rd Street, because something within me had been so violently shaken. The night I met her, there was a flock of crows from the west that settled at our feet and watched us as I stammered—God, I stammered like an idiot—as I made up words that didn’t exist and asked for her number. I remember their eyes. There were as many eyes of crows as there were stars in the sky, and as many stars in the sky as there were hairs on her head. Everything made sense. That’s how I knew.”

“And did she know, too?”

“Yes!” They were always so quick to be sure. “Yes—yes, at least I think she did. She was crying, you know—when I told her how much I loved her. That’s when I saw the turtle-doves.”

I did not tell him that turtle-doves came in pairs, always, and that they came to feed. I did not tell him that two times two turtle-doves, pecking at the flowers on your window-sill one rose-lit morning when the world made sense to you meant nothing, or else meant that you had forgotten to put away the bread.

I did not tell him that you could get as many paper cuts as there were stars in the sky, and get the passage from the Aeneid that said:

And she with all her eyes and heart embraced him

fondling him at times upon her breast,

and still one morning, after a fight that should never have happened, not by all the comets that ever shot across the shore, he could shove up his trousers and tell you that you deserved better and close the door behind him. The universe breaks so quietly, but I lifted Michael’s cufflinks while he wept, folded them into my cloak and told him that soon everything would be revealed.

“I must be missing something,” he said. “Please, Madame Helena, tell me what I’m missing.”

I did not tell him my real name. “How did she leave you?”

“The night began so perfectly,” he said. “She let me follow her home and kissed me on every floor of the stairwell. There was an old man who saw us as we fumbled towards the fourth floor, as he was taking out his trash—Russian, I think he was—and when he caught my eye he laughed and said ‘Tonight, you are the happiest man in the world.’ So I was.”

They always were. I calculated how much Madame Delongpre could give me for the cufflinks.

“And I leaned back on the pillow and I asked her to tell me the first thing that came into her head—anything at all—and she said to me, I remember; she said ‘I didn’t know people could care about each other this much.’ And then she asked me if we could really be this happy forever, and I told her I thought yes, and she told me—I remember—she sat up and held the sheet against her breasts and said ‘I don’t want to regret anything, Michael. But I regret this.'”

There are no such thing as prophecies.

gen_illo_topThere are no such thing as correspondences; there are no such things as herbs that mean love, and other herbs that mean pain, or planets that promise prosperity, or stones that if overturned augur a horseman coming in the night. There is nothing but coincidence, and it was only coincidence that meant that in his voice, and in his words, I heard that voice, and those words, and it was only happenstance that two beloveds had left two lovers in that same and inexplicable way.

“What is it?” He nearly leaped across the table. “Madame Helena, does that mean something?”

Of course it meant nothing. “Go on, child—tell me the rest of your story.”

“She said she’d call me in the afternoon to talk things over. She never called. That was two years ago.”

“Why come here now?”

“Last night,” he said, “I saw her. Two years later, to the day, from the day that she left me.”

Two years to the day—and so many turns of the earth around the sun, and the moon about the earth, and nothing mattered because it was only motion, but it was two years to the day since she left him, and it had been two years to the day since my man left me, and somewhere two comets on two parallel swoops around two parallel earths converged.

“Where was it?”

“On 23rd Street,” he said.

I knew then all that he would tell me. I had been there before.

“I was buying candles,” he said, “at one of the apothecaries on 23rd and Madison, because Madame Delongpre said that if I could not forget her, I would have to banish her, and I was at the register waiting to pay when suddenly I knew that she was with me. I knew she was there, and I heard her name spoken over and over again all around me as if the streets themselves were whispering it, as if all the passersby were whispering it, and I felt her with me so strongly that I threw down the candles and ran across the street, to where the voices grew louder and louder until they were so loud that I could not bear it. And in the sky a thousand birds had gathered…”

“Which birds?” I told myself that they would be robins. Robins would save me. I had seen a thousand birds on the corner of 23rd and Madison, and their wings were all so black I thought at first the sun had gone out.

“Ravens,” he said, “and crows,” and then I knew how everything ended.

“And when their wings parted, and they flew away, she was standing there, wasn’t she? Just across the street.”

“Yes!” He grabbed hold of my hands and because there was so much joy in him he could not tell that they were shaking.

I smoothed my fingers against the creases of his knuckles. “And there, she was across the street, in the shadow of that clock tower that looks like the moon, and she looked more beautiful than you had ever remembered her being, with the feathers falling all around her, and the shadows of the leaves in the trees?”

“Yes!” His hands were tighter now and he was weeping, and it struck me that he did not apologize—they always apologized to me when they started to cry, as if their tears could shock me—but kept his gaze upon me, as if he expected me to weep too.

I would not weep. I would not stop. “And you were going to cross the street, weren’t you—to go to her? But then a bus came rumbling by, and when it passed you she was gone, and because the city is so great and wide and full of smoke you could not see which way she went, and you do not know if the meaning of prophecy was that you could have reached her, if you’d set off a moment sooner, or if it was that you could never have reached her, no matter what you’ve done?”

He was finished with tears. “Then you understand?”

I would never understand. “I understand completely.”

“Then tell me what it means. I am not afraid. If it means to forget her, I’ll do it.” He swallowed. “I’ll try to do it.”

He spread more twenty dollar bills across the table. I did not pick them up.

Against the vault of the sky there are stars and no one has hung them. Against the vault of the sky there are stars, and when they move, we move with them, and sometimes we find ourselves on the corner of 23rd Street and Madison, tracking the planets, choking on feathers, racking with sobs.

I do not often look my men in the eye. Even the fools are quick, in their loneliness, and although they have come to me in their belief deep down they do not believe, and when they catch my eye they know what they have always suspected. They know that prophecies do not exist. They see me waver, or see me—even in the spectacle of my lie—glance too long at their wallets, and though they do not stop me before my reading is finished we both know that my promises mean less than turtle-doves.

Not him.

Him I looked in the eye. Him I pressed to my breast, and him I called child, and him I whispered words to without knowing what they meant, or if they meant anything at all, and then, together, we wept for all our paper cuts, and for all the rats that we had murdered whose entrails showed up nothing but bile, and for all the moments since then that had meant nothing, because visions are not prophecies, because nothing augured ever comes true.

“I’ve never told this to anyone else,” he told me. I understood.

“My friends—they can’t stand to be around me any longer. I try to explain and it never comes out right, and then I start laughing at myself, at how silly it is, because in public you have to laugh these things off, don’t you? They tell me I’ll find somebody else. But you don’t – do you? Not when you’re still wondering whether you’ve fallen so far from the path that you can’t get back again. My friends all think I’m insane.”

“You’re not insane.” I told him. It was the only gift I could give him. It was my only thanks.

“I’m only myself when I’m reading the signs,” he said.

I took him in my arms.

Around us the city: the blaring of sirens and the glaring of neon, and us shut up from everything we did not want to see.

Above us the flapping of birds.

This is what I tell the men who come to me: she loves you. She will remember that she loves you. You will find her—or someone like her—waiting for you, and all your sufferings have not been in vain. Your pain will teach you how to love. You are still caught in a net of stardust. You are not alone.

They always believe me. They never need come back, not once. They pay me and recommend me to the friends they can no longer stand to be around. I have set them free.

This is what I told Michael: “Your case is a difficult one. Come back tomorrow.”

Back when I thought I had the sight, my man and I took turns scrying in the pond at Central Park, out where children shipwreck toy boats. We told one another’s fortunes.

“Tonight,” I told him, “you will be the happiest man in the world.”

This,” he said. “Us. This means something. Because I have loved you, everything has changed.”

That night I saw thirteen ravens in the sky. I should have known.

But tonight I flung open the shutters and saw that the moon was full. The birds gathered at my windowsill and I fed them sprigs of rosemary and stray thyme, and I sprinkled so much bread on the street below that they cooed and cawed until the clocks all called midnight.

But tonight I mixed potions and threaded herbs and I called the stars by name. That night I saw everything. I took down my copy of Virgil’s Aeneid from the shelf and I lit every candle in every corner of the apothecary. I leaned out the window and felt the salt air blow in from the sea. I opened my mouth to the moon.

gen_illo_botAt midnight the world made sense to me. At midnight, visions were prophecies, and the birds that clucked and crooned were calling out my name. At midnight, the valleys had been lifted up and the mountains laid low. At midnight, a man had wept and I had wept, and the earth had harvested both our tears, and there I had understood. There the world turned back upon itself, and nothing had ever ended, and every minute the clock chimed was for the restoration of all broken things. All the times I had cast my lots without an answer, and all the times he had cast his lots without an answer, had only ever been for this.

At midnight, we are never alone.

At one o’clock, thirteen ravens crossed the moon.

There are no such things as prophecies.

Ravens mean nothing, and thirteen means nothing, and the world will not tighten itself around us, if we only will ourselves to break apart its seams. Visions are not prophecies. They are only suggestions. We can shut our eyes and stop our ears. We can shut out everything we do not want to see. We can pretend that the world is senseless, and perhaps it will hurt a little less. Perhaps a little more.

So I took out Virgil’s Aeneid and sliced my fingers with paper cuts; so I bled into the pages and cracked open the spine, so I whispered invocations and chanted useless pleas; so I begged the moon to wax when it waned and wane when it waxed, and for the wings of birds to hide the stars.

I knew what it would say:

By changeless Fate, Lavinia waits, his bride.

I sat until the clock struck two, and I willed the words to rearrange themselves upon the page, and I knew that they would not. Thirteen ravens had crossed the sky, and somewhere, prophecies came true, and somewhere she was waiting for him.

She had never waited for him. She had left him and she had said with my man’s voice I regret this; she had said with my man’s voice I’ll telephone you later; there was no explanation for her—because there is no explanation for anything we bear.

There is a place, beyond prophecy, where everything makes sense.

Thirteen times I split the spine, and thirteen time the verse was the same.

By changeless Fate, Lavinia waits, his bride.

By Changeless Fate—and she was not waiting for him. Changeless Fate—I was waiting for him. Changeless Fate—there were ravens, but there were also turtle-doves, and I had only to read the signs properly and then I would know where to find him. Then we would be healed.

I caught a rat on my hands and knees. I caught a rat and broke its neck with my fingers. I stood on the fire escape. Above me, the moon, the shadows of thirteen ravens blotting it out, which all my howling could never wash away. With my nails I ripped it apart; I tangled and untangled its entrails; with my hands covered in blood I scratched at the walls and I looked for an answer.

“Because I have loved you,” my man told me once, “the world has changed.”

Because my man loved me, I know how to read the signs.

In the entrails was a woman’s face.

Not mine.

The stars spin, and sometimes collide. The earth tilts, and sometimes there is a full moon. Sometimes two people stare at one another across 23rd Street and Madison Avenue, with a bus and a thousand birds between them, and then they know that the signs were true, and that, for them, there is an answer.

But there is always a third. There are always the ones for whom things come true by halves. These can tell you the signs, and these can interpret the birds of the air and the beasts of the drainpipe, and these can tell you that the world is full of stars that net you, but the birds do not build their nests for them. These are the witch-women. These are the crones.

We read the signs, but to us they have nothing to say.

Michael came when I summoned him. He saw the blood under my fingernails and asked me what I had learned.

I told him: “By changeless Fate, she waits.”

I told him: “She regrets losing you.”

I told him: “Tonight, you will be the happiest man in the world.”

I took his money. I slipped his cufflinks back into his pocket when he wasn’t looking.

“Thank you,” he said. He stared me straight in the eye. He broke down in tears and did not apologize. He broke down in tears, and I longed for his relief. Above us, ravens, and also turtle-doves, and I do not know which were his and which were mine and which were those that were meant for both of us together. All I know is that they followed him when he left me.

I told myself: You will find him, or someone like him—waiting for you—and all your sufferings will not have been in vain. Your pain will teach you how to love. You are still caught in a net of stardust. You are not alone.

I told myself: There is a place where time runs back on itself, where parallel lines converge, and where visions become prophecies, and where you will be not alone. There is a place where everything is reconciled, and the great mountains that cover you in shadow will be made flat before you, and the valleys that make you dizzy when you teeter on their edges will be brought to your feet when you walk. There, you will understand.

This I did not tell him: “There is a girl who rips apart rats to find your face written in their entrails. There is a crone who lies awake nights and counts the birds that cross against the moon. She twists rosemary and thyme into a vine and whispers into it the sound of your name, and she waits with the Aeneid on her knees and each night and every morning she opens it to an unknown page, and every morning and each night it is the same.

“The inward fire eats the soft wound away

And the internal wound bleeds on in silence.”

fin

Interview with the author, Tara Isabella Burton | Buy Shimmer #19 | Subscribe

Shimmer #19: The Earth and Everything Under

Welcome to the first digital issue of Shimmer!We are delighted to begin sharing the stories from Issue #19 with you.

Shimmer 19
Shimmer #19

We begin Issue #19 with our cover story:

It can’t possibly be a secret that K.M. Ferebee is one of our favorite authors. Her latest Shimmer story, “The Earth and Everything Under,” is in Issue #19,  but she’s been in Shimmer twice before. Issue #13 contains her well-reviewed tale “Bullet Oracle Instinct,” and “The Bird Country,” recommended by Locus, appeared in Issue #15.

Join us every other Tuesday for something Shimmery — and if you can’t wait that long, acquire the entire issue immediately!

Buy Shimmer #19!

The Earth and Everything Under by K.M. Ferebee

Peter had been in the ground for six months when the birds began pushing up out of the earth. Small ones, at first, with brown feathers: sparrows, spitting out topsoil, their black eyes alert. They shook and stretched their wings in the sunlight. Soon they were pecking the juniper berries and perching on rooftops, just like other birds. They were small, fat, and soft; Elyse wanted to hold them. But they were not tame and they would not come to her.

The next birds were larger: larks and grackles. They crawled their way not just out of the dirt round Elyse’s own house, the old Devereaux homestead, but farther out west, towards the town of St. Auburn. When Elyse drove down for her week’s worth of groceries, she could see the holes by the sides of the fields, the raw earth scuffed up and still teeming with worm-life. The birds picked at the worms for their meals, pulling them like long threads from a sweater, unweaving their bodies’ hard wet work. Sometimes the corn had died in patterns close to the holes, like it had been burned.

Elyse thought the town’s new sheriff would notice, and he turned up just as the grackles gave way to magpies. His old police cruiser ground in the driveway, wheels spinning on rock, a sound she knew, and she went out on the front porch to meet him. She was barefoot. She did not like to wear shoes. An old superstition; she had not outgrown it.

“Sheriff,” she said.

He squinted through sunlight. Did not approach her. “Miss Mayhew.”

“Is there something I can help you with?”

She was aware of the way she must look to his eye: her black hair tangled, autumn skin sunburned, the backs of her hands and her wrists cross-hatched where she’d scraped them rooting through cedar and yew. She would have put on a whiter dress, she thought, something less hedge-witching than wine-colored cotton—but no, let him see it, the darker stains on it.

“Some strange reports,” he said. “What you might call violations.”

A magpie took flight over his head: black-and-white plumage precise and foreign. The sheriff raised his hand in a gesture to ward off ill luck—then caught himself. Still, he tracked the bird on the skyline.

“One for sorrow,” Elyse said.

“Hell of a lot more than one in town. If you’ll excuse my saying.”

She held his gaze, thought about staring him down. She couldn’t, though, summon up the anger. She toed the peeling paint of the porch. “It’s not my work,” she said. “You know that. And he’s under the dirt.”

“Still,” he said. He had keen eyes, blue eyes. Hair the sandy color of birch when you’d stripped all of the pale skin off it. And he gave her that same kind of stripped-plain look. “It’d be best if you scared the birds off.”

They both looked up, to the gabled rooftop. The brown slates of it were covered in birds, a shifting mass of dappled feathers. The house looked alive. Elyse heard a burst of song—a lark, she thought—and then another bird singing, and another bird, but none of the songs seemed quite complete. They quit mid-pitch, fell off too soon, as though the birds had not learned the notes yet; as though no one, in the places they had come from, had ever been able to teach them the tune.

“They’re birds,” Elyse said. She crossed her arms: final. “They’re not my creatures. They’ll do what birds do.”

But larger birds began to surface: a turkey vulture, a hawk or two. There was talk in St. Auburn about a condor. A farmer in Woodbine shot a goose, and turned up on Elyse’s doorstep.

“Cut it open,” he said, “to clean out the soft parts. For cooking. Found a letter addressed to you.” He held out the letter: blood-stained and wrinkled. It hadn’t been opened.

Elyse looked down and knew what spindly hand had written that address. She touched the paper, dry as the rue she kept hanging over her kitchen counters. It was a special kind of lacewing dryness. It made her think of insects that moved in the summer night, all wings and shadows. They might have been ten thousand years in the tomb by the time she found them, all lifeless. Just tinder. She swept them off of the porch with a broom, thinking how they had been wet with life once.

The farmer said, “Do you want the feathers?”

Startled, she looked up.

“The bones and feathers. I saved the most of the bird for you.”

He was a shy man, with that shut country look to his face, and she took the bones and feathers because she didn’t know what else to do. All of it fit in one plastic bag: a mass of down and sinew, so light now that the meat was not on it.

She waved goodbye to the farmer’s truck. It bounced down towards the two-line blacktop. She could see black birds circle over the cornfields. The bright of the sun turned their wings to fishhooks. She could not say if they were crows or vultures. The wind sighed; dust stirred, and the corn moved.

Later she sat and read the letter. The lamp in the kitchen wrote a curve on the whitewood top of the breakfast table. The letter, when she held it up to the light, was marked with blood through and through. She could still read the writing, crooked and narrow.

My dear Elyse,

I write from the ocean. I cannot know what messages have reached you. Perhaps you do not know there is an ocean. I mean the ocean that is here, not the Atlantic or the Pacific or any such body. The body here is not seawater. It is dark in your hand, and the double moons cast no kind of reflection on it. Sometimes I can see fish in the water, or some things that look like fish, the color of fish if you peeled the skin off them, but they move so fast they drop from view.

I am never hungry here, and I don’t drink the water. I lie in the well of the boat to sleep, but it seems sleep is not of this country. I watch the stars. They still turn in a wheel, the strange stars I wrote you about. And sometimes I sail past the shapes of islands and see lanterns on them—are they lanterns? is that the word?—and I hear voices, but not any human voices. The lanterns scatter when I come near.

I think about you, the stroke of an eyebrow, the shell of an ear, the map of your hairline. That long uncharted archipelago you make with all the parts of your spine. There is nothing I forget about you.

Peter

When she was done, she folded the page back in segments. She poured herself a finger of whiskey and drank it just out of the lamplight. Dusk had gone and darkness was settled. Insects were pocking their bodies on glass, trying to come in out of the night. Peter’s work boots were still in the corner. She had not moved them in his absence. The mud on them had long since dried. Flakes had cracked off of the leather like skin. Tomorrow, she thought, she would put them outside; out on the porch, maybe clean the soles. Prise the mud off with a pocketknife.

She slept sitting up in the velvet armchair. Her mother had told her that when witches died in the old days, no one who’d seen or known them would sleep in a straight-bed for a fortnight, for fear that the witch would sit on their chest and steal the breath from them. Elyse had tried to picture this: the witch pressing his ghost against a body, trying to get what was inside. She had thought, I just want to press my body against another body, when I’m a witch and I die. But she knew bodies did not work like this; had known it already when she was a child.

In the morning, the sheriff was on her porch step. His hat was in his hands. He stood up fast when he heard the door open. “Miss Mayhew,” he said.

She was wearing a gray cotton dress with flowers. The weight of her long black hair was wet. She still felt scrubbed-clean, unshelled by the shower. She didn’t want to face a man like that. She put Peter’s boots down on the porch boards, rested a hand on her hip. “Sheriff,” she said. “Have you come to arrest me?”

The Earth and Everything Under by K.M. Ferebee“No, ma’am.” He put his hat back on his head; went around to his car and opened the trunk. He came back with a white swan in his hands. It was dead: there was blood still on its chest-feathers, gone dark now, not that living red. She could see the place where the bullet was in it. Its wings and its lithe neck drooped in death.

She reached out and put one hand on a wing. Lightly, only: the brush of her fingers. She didn’t want to trouble it.

“Fellow out in Marsdale brought it down. I figured you’d know what to do with it.” The sheriff fixed her with his gaze. His face was very patient.

“It’s not mine.”

“Never said it was. A letter, though, once it’s sent…”

Elyse said, “You spend too much time talking to farmers.” But she took the swan from him. It felt like a child, the weight in her arms. Cradling was what you called the motion. There was no other way to carry it.

She didn’t want the law in her house. There was lead and gunpowder lining the threshold, cloves over the door to guard against it. But she asked the sheriff, “Have you got a name?”

He paused halfway to turning. “Linden.”

“You’ll bring the birds?”

“When I find them.”

“Did you shoot this one down?” She hefted the swan a little.

He looked at her with those August sky eyes, like she was confusing to him. “No, ma’am. I never had much time for hunting birds.”

Elyse said, “Only men.”

Later she watched him drive off, the lone car on the road. It was early, still, and the air was cold. Autumn had started moving in: setting the first of its furniture up in the room that summer had not vacated.

There was no point to putting off unpleasant tasks. She set the swan on a broad cutting board and went to work dismantling it. The feathers went first, in matted handfuls, because she could make some use of them. Then she took the butchering knife and carved a space between the ribs. She had to snap the breastbone first. It was hard, the bone slippery in her grip. Even birds had such tough bones, bodies built for survival. She marveled at it. But when she got into the soft meat of organs, she found the letter almost at once, feeling for it with her fingertips. The same envelope, sealed and dirty; the same precise and crooked address.

She opened it and read it with the blood still on her hands.

Elyse,

I worry that time doesn’t pass for you the way it does here. I worry that I’ll get out of sync before I find you, before I find my way back. I told you about the birds in the forest, how they seemed to migrate so fast, so that one moment there were summer birds, then just starlings. And moss seemed to cover the bark of trees as I walked past. Like everything was living in motion. I saw a flower open and close. A fox get carried apart by ants, till all that was left was the bones of it. I want to date these letters somehow, but don’t think I can.

I am following the railroad out towards the ocean. There are no trains ever, only tracks. I see animals, but no other people. Sometimes lights very far in the distance, lights that look like cars in the dusk, driving on highways, out to the west. If there are train tracks, why not cars? But it makes me so sad to see them.

I miss our own quiet country road. I miss the unmarked settler graves you found along it, that summer that we went bone-hunting. You were the one who could find the dead where the ground hid them under its skin. You are a better witch than I was. I admit it. I miss the way you smelled of witchcraft. Soot on your fingertips, sage and hyssop, sweet dock and cedar tips. Even in the thick of the forest, nothing here has a scent.

Be safe and know I am trying to reach you.

Peter

Elyse put the letter beside its cousin, in a box she had once kept recipes in. She finished stripping the swan of feathers and set them aside. The meat and bones and skin she took outside and laid in the garden, hoping wolves would come to eat at it—the skinny wolves that haunted the fields, gray interlopers. Being a witch, Elyse had nothing to fear from their presence. The townsfolk objected, were frightened of them. But Peter had had the gift of wolf-speaking, and when Elyse saw their black shapes in the night, the glint of their eyes, she thought of him.

Out in the yard, she saw new hollows, places where birds were still breaking the surface. The roof of her house was thick and busy. A crane landed for a moment, ghostly white legs crooked and graceful, then flourished its wings and was flying again. Elyse could not think why the sheriff had spared her. By rights, she should have been taken in; the birds were evidence of witching, and this was the place they had marked as their home. Men had been put in the ground for less; she would know. She would know.

She cleaned off the cutting board in the kitchen; made a sandwich, cut it in two. The whole house smelled of blood and magic. She could hear the birds on the roof. For a long time, when Peter went into the ground, she had not eaten. It had been hard to swallow, hard to chew; hard even to take the knives from their drawers, to knead the bread, measure coffee to brew. This was not a widow’s grief, or not all of it; green onions, when she touched them, sprouted anew, and eggs cracked, and the yolks crawled out on the counter. Potatoes sent out new roots. A leg of lamb once pulsed with blood. She feared what her hands might do, while something in her reached for resurrection. It was easier not to touch food.

The wolves left rabbits out on her doorstep. A whole deer once, its eyes still dark, its dun skin soft and smooth. Wolves, she thought, had simple thoughts. Hunger, not-hunger, and sometimes the moon.

The sheriff—newly appointed—had brought a casserole. From the ladies down at Mission Valley, he said. Then another day: from the ladies at St. Jude’s. Elyse had thought they came from the same kitchen.

“Charity,” she’d said: scornful in her anger.

He’d shrugged: awkward in the new uniform. “It’s just food.”

Now she ate in hard little bites. A hummingbird floated at the window, all dark green chest and nose like a needle. It was too small to carry a letter, she thought. Maybe just the tiniest rune, written down on a thin strip of paper, wrapped round its heart. Or the very same rune, cut into the fluttering muscle. Carved in one motion: a word, a wound.

She drove into town. The neighbors were watching. She wore her best dress: bright red, with a plume of flowers that spread up across her chest. Her hair was unbrushed; it frayed like a spume of water just breaking off the ocean. She’d thought for a moment of going barefoot; instead, wore Peter’s old work boots. She shopped through the aisles of the little co-op, ignoring the whispers. Her feet were heavy, and she liked it; felt knobbly and wild, substantial, good.

In frozen foods, a woman stared: somebody’s mother or grandmother, in a lime-green-colored cardigan and laced white tennis shoes. The cashier, through heavy eyelashes, kept sneaking furtive looks. She didn’t want to touch Elyse’s money, not at first; then grabbed it in one rushed fistful and shoved it under the register’s hooks, breathing out in one heavy exhale.

Outside, Elyse leant against the store and ate an apple. Scattered birds came and sat at her feet. The wind, when it blew, had a charred spark to it: the scent of autumn or witching or both, embers blossoming, ashy and new. She licked her lips. The apple was still green, sour.

A car pulled up, dust-covered: the sheriff. He rolled down his window. “Miss Mayhew.”

“Linden,” she said.

“You have an audience.” He nodded at the birds.

“Everywhere.”

He rummaged in the passenger seat for a moment; came back with a bundle of letters that he held out in the air. “Got something for you.”

She stepped forward to take it. There were five or six letters, she thought. Hard to tell. Her fingers were sticky from the apple. Her hand brushed the sheriff’s. She glanced at him.

“Told folks to bring in what they find. They ought to pay me for delivering your mail,” he said.

Elyse didn’t know what to say. She said, “I appreciate the gesture.”

The sheriff shrugged. “Any idea when this might end?”

“The letters?”

“The birds. The whole damn uncanny.”

She moved back, minding her feet round the birds. Some rose in a rush; one perched on her shoulder. “I’m not doing it,” she said.

“I know that. Just hunting around for some insight.” He started to roll up his window, then paused. “Got a cider tree in my backyard, been giving up apples early. If you like them. I don’t have much use for so many.”

Elyse looked down at the core in her hand. She could see her own teethmarks in the white flesh. “I’d like that,” she said.

“I’ll bring some around with the next batch of letters.”

He left. Elyse watched. The bird on her shoulder toyed with an uncoiled strand of her hair. She brushed it aside, harsh and impatient. Witches had to be careful with hair, with toenails and blood, with bones and eyelashes; leave any part of yourself, unaware, and someone, somewhere, would set it against you. Burn what you shed: that was the lesson. She combed her thick hair back with her fingers, feeling its mass, its thousand snares.

At dusk, she lit a lamp with witch-fire and sat on the porch. Moths came crawling through still air, and clicking junebugs with hard little bodies. A few fireflies made themselves signal flares. Elyse sipped wine from a solid glass jam jar; unfolded the letters.

Beloved Elyse,

There is a road that leads down to the sea. I have to believe that it’s the way out, the one. I have to believe.

Seagulls keep circling as I walk. It’s winter here already. But things keep pushing up through the snow; not plants, exactly. I can’t ever seem to get warmer or colder, but I feel it in objects: the ice, the heat. I never thought I would miss the chill, but I do; I think of when I would run alongside the wolves, in December or January, and come home to find the house full of warmth. You at the kitchen sink: peeling rosemary leaves from the stalk, slicing ginger, the smell prickling.

I never see another person. I wonder where they all must be? No ferrymen, even; no toll-takers. Only me. I write these letters to keep words alive. It gets strange when I don’t speak. I forgot the name for an arum lily the other day; couldn’t think of it, just couldn’t—think. Then I worried I’d get like the wolves. There’d be a wilderness that I couldn’t come in from. You’d be inside a warm scented house. I’d come to the window; I’d press my cheek just there, against the pane of glass. But you wouldn’t ever let me inside. By then I’d be just claws and teeth.

Don’t lock me out, O arum lily. O rose of Sharon, don’t forget me.

Peter

She put that letter to one side. She didn’t want to go on with the rest. She didn’t know if she had the strength. A moth batted up against her hand. She nudged it away gently. The witch-fire burned with a red-moon light inside its lamp, wavering. Out in the dark, a nightingale called. There was no answer. The silence waited; went on waiting.

At last she stood and gathered the letters. She would read them, she thought, when she was in bed. She doused the lamp and went indoors. The air was sticky: the end of summer. It promised no easy sleep.

Elyse,

I cannot remember the names of colors. I put my ear to the railroad tracks and hear a rumbling. Something moves under the earth, a light or a dark thing. Do you think that if I die in this place, I’ll go in the ground and find another country, just a little bit dimmer and stranger than this one? I don’t want to die again, Elyse.

At night here the stars are very thick, and I think that none of the animals sleep. I hear them moving out in the forest. Pacing, clawing; the stir of air when they breathe…

Distant, silent, surly, beautiful, so-dream-like Elyse,

Sometimes I think I could walk on this water. The world here is flat and like a dream. I walked on water once before—you remember—the old mill pond—handspan insects—Spanish moss drooping—soaking our socks right up to the ankles. It smelled like a color. Cut vegetables. Herb beds. Dowsing rods. Grave digging. But how could I make the spell last so long here? You’re far from me; I see how far. It just stretches on, the sea. Sea, is what we used to call it.

I see catamarans out on the horizon. Catamarans: is that the word I mean? Something floating, something with sails. It looked like a cut lily. Then I was homesick, crying for you, but I can’t cry in this country. I make the motion but no tears come. What is the name for that kind of motion? It isn’t a color. It tastes of salt. It’s like and not like breathing. I know you’ll remember the word for it…

Elyse,

I woke in the dark green wild of a forest, filled with birds, all migrating…

It rained for a week, and the birds started dying. The sky up over the fields was blue—not the cloudless blue of an arid August, but a peat-smoke color. Peter’s blue. His eyes had once been almost that color. Elyse waited to feel melancholy.

The rain was a steady, scouring fall. It turned dirt to muck and washed out seeds that Elyse had planted in the herb garden. She went out to eye the ongoing damage. Her blouse and skirt plastered flat under siege; her hair stuck to her face and shoulders. She wiped the water out of her eyes and saw two dead birds: a crow and a starling. They were lying feet-up by the lemon verbena. Rain had distorted the shape of their wings.

The Earth and Everything Under by K.M. FerebeeElyse scraped them into a cardboard shoebox and brought them inside. They did not smell like anything: not particularly of death, nor even of herb beds. No worms or beetle-marks could be seen. When she touched them, Elyse could feel the echo of witchcraft under their feathers, very faintly. She resisted the urge to cut them open, to check for letters. If every bird had a letter, she thought—all the sparrows and larks, the nightingales, all the geese, every bird that had crawled its way up… She imagined the envelopes moldering in boxes, more than she could ever read.

The next day she found three more birds in the front yard: three grackles, dead, with storm-battered wings. She picked them up, carried them to the porch by the hooks of their little clawed feet. Over yonder the crust of the earth was upset, by the root of a live oak tree, where another bird was scrabbling to surface. Its curved beak poked up. A kestrel, she thought, or some kind of hawk.

It was still raining.

The sheriff came by one morning, early, when Elyse was still asleep. Later she woke and went out on the porch. A milk crate of apples was waiting, and a grocery sack filled with water-stained letters. The apples were small and hard, but sweet-smelling. She rolled one in the palm of her hand. Broke its skin with her teeth. It tasted like autumn, red and familiar. A note on the crate said:

Hope didn’t wake you. Harvest good. Need to talk re: plague of birds. Will swing by later this wk.

She smiled, and was mystified by the motion. She touched her hand to her lips, her cheek. The smile remained. She finished the apple, bemused, watching the branches of wide trees bow in the rain. She could see on them the tips of autumn, leaves beginning to shine like copper. Soon the whole would be ablaze.

She carried the apples indoors to the kitchen, thought of pie-making. The letters she left in their bag on the porch. They could hardly get more battered or wet. She left the door open to smell the rain. Clouds shifted on the far horizon. The light got darker, then lighter again. She went barefoot all day, enjoying the feeling, the thrill of the first cold starting to set.

Nineteen birds died in the garden that week. She picked them up and stowed them in boxes; set them on the porch with the rest.

It was dusk when the sheriff drove up the gravel. The clouds had cleared, but the twilight was heavy: damp and filled with swollen scents. Elyse sat on the edge of the porch. There was mud on the narrow crests of her ankles. She drank cider cold from a jar in her hand.

The sheriff approached. He said, “Storm’s broken.”

“Not much of a storm.”

“You say that, and yet I got a river over in Woodbine’s been flooding. Water up all the way to the town line. Carrying off houses. Power’s down.”

“Is it.” She’d never had much use for that kind of power.

“Funny thing: lot of dead birds in that flood. Not just river birds. Eagles. Cactus wrens. Your fair number of sparrows, seeing as lately we’re overrun.” His eyes strayed to the back of the porch, where the bodies of all the dead birds sat. Elyse had not bothered to cover them over. She had found that the wolves and the foxes and vultures were not interested in them, not unless she took out the heart, took the witchcraft and made them just birds again. They took up a lot of room on the porch. She’d stopped counting them.

“Seems you have a problem yourself,” the sheriff said.

Elyse took a sip of murky cider. “Why don’t you sit down,” she said.

He did: settling long legs on the porch stoop. She offered him the mason jar. He drank from it and grimaced. “Are those my apples?”

“Put to good use.”

“I remember them having less of a kick.”

They sat in silence for a while. Moths moved in the early darkness. A mourning dove uttered a short sad cry and plunged to its death, pale gray and not particularly graceful. Neither Elyse nor the sheriff paid much mind to it.

“They’ll all die eventually,” Elyse said. “It’s in their nature.”

“And then? They die, but they don’t go away. Can’t seem to burn or bury ’em.”

She didn’t know how to answer that statement.

He sighed. “I was real sorry about what happened to your husband.”

“It’s the law. He knew the risk he ran.”

“And you?”

“The witch woman of Auburn County?” She laughed. The sound rasped her throat. “If you’ve come for repenting—”

“No.” He drank again from the jar. “I was there that day at the station. You know.”

“I knew you might have been.”

“I should have done something. I wanted to.”

Elyse pushed one bare toe down in the dirt. The rain had left it rich and wet. “They planted quick-tree—witchbane—all around his grave so witches can’t come near. Standard procedure. Can’t even visit.”

“They don’t want him coming back.”

“He’s not coming back,” Elyse said. She covered her mouth.

“No,” the sheriff said.

She felt his hand on her hand in the dark. Just a touch, nothing more or less.

She asked, “So what the hell do I do with all these birds?”

He laughed: a low and gentle sound. “Have you considered witchcraft?”

“It’s against the law.”

“I promise not to look.”

He stood up and turned his back, placing his broad hands over his eyes. A joke.

“No,” Elyse said. “Look. I want you to look.”

It was almost night by then, but she could still see his face. He leveled his curious eyes on her. She walked out in the yard and picked up the dove. It was still slightly warm, like a stone in summer, ghosting with heat when the sun has gone down. She could feel the magic inside it, inert.

“I can’t bring them to life,” she said. “Not in a way you would want. The witchcraft doesn’t work like that. I don’t think they were real birds to start with, you know. Just other things made into flesh.”

“Sure seem real enough when they’re eating the sweet corn. They’ve got bones and blood, don’t they?”

“Lots of things have that.” She thought of Peter, lost somewhere on his ocean, long underground. For a moment she felt his lips on her neck, his breath against her collarbone. But he was not really Peter anymore. He was speaking a language, a kind of wolf-language, that she had not learned yet.

She held the dove up close to her heart. A white glow started between her hands. There was no heat to it, no smell and no texture. Still, it made her flinch. She forced herself to hold very steady. She felt the dove fold up like paper. The weight of it lessened. When she opened her hands, there was nothing in them but pale gray ashes. Fistfuls of ashes, and bits of burned paper. She could see the ink on some of them. She let the wind take them out towards the cornfields. She wiped her hands against the skirt. The air smelled of witching, a mournful scent.

“There,” she said. “Just wishes and paper. Nothing to it.”

She looked at the sheriff. She thought he’d been crying. The magic sometimes took them like that. She affected not to see his expression. Men got odd. She leaned against the porch railing.

“I’ll have to do all of them, one by one. Better to get it done fast,” she said.

“You want to make a night of it?” His look was not very readable.

Elyse tilted her head. “You won’t be needed.”

“I know,” he said.

After a moment’s pause, she said, “It’ll be a long night, so you’d better come in, then. Have something to eat, find a place to set down.”

The doorway was still guarded by gunpowder. She broke the line of it as she passed. Later she could take down the cloves, unmark the lead; redo the witching, to keep out what needed keeping out, and keep in what needed keeping in.

Elyse,

It stretches so far, this scentless water. Every day I forget and forget. I wave to the flowers that drift in the distance. What is their name again? There was something I promised not to lose. I locked it in the cage of my chest. I can feel it there, like a bright-winged bird. But the bird is restless…

Elyse

Elyse. Elyse I. Everyday I think. Elyse. Elyse, Elyse: forget.

Sometimes a bird still struggles through to the surface, breath coming in unsteady gasps—even in the dead of winter. Elyse finds and carries them in her bare hands to the reed birdcage at the back of the house. They don’t live long. But she feeds raw seed to them, coaxing the life in them while she can. At night they sing (they are all songbirds) and when she wakes, she feels she can almost finish it: the last line of the song they are singing. She feels it in her bones, that coming warmth, the completeness.

fin

Interview with the author, K.M. Ferebee | Buy Shimmer #19 | Subscribe

Shimmer #19 Arrives

Shimmer 19
Shimmer #19

 

Have you heard the news? Shimmer has gone digital and Issue #19 is officially here!

We have so many lovely things to share with you in this issue, beginning with our cover. The artwork by Sandro Castelli is inspired by “The Earth and Everything Under,” by K.M. Ferebee. Ferebee has appeared in Shimmer before, with “Bullet Oracle Instinct” (Issue #13) and “The Bird Country” (Issue #15). We think she’s made of awesome, and are sure you will too!

We are also thrilled to welcome Robert Lee as our new Creative Director. He has brilliantly captured the spirit of Shimmer in his new design for us, and we can’t wait to see what he has up his sleeves!

In #19, we also welcome three new-to-Shimmer authors: Tara Isabella Burton, Margaret Dunlap, and Rachael Acks. If you haven’t already been exposed to their work, we believe their stories here will make for an excellent introduction.

Where can I get this wonderful thing, you are no doubt wondering! Issue #19 can be found in PDF, ePub, and mobi formats, all DRM-free.

You can grab Shimmer on this very site, Weightless, and of course Amazon. And for the first time, you can grab a Shimmer subscription from Weightless, too! When you subscribe to Shimmer, it’s like getting an issue free!

Note to subscribers: You should have received Issue #19 via email. If you haven’t gotten it yet, please take a moment to drop us a note via the contact form, and we will hook you up!

You can add #19 to your Goodreads lists, too!

Issue 19

Shimmer 19
Shimmer #19

Issue 19 is now available!

This is our first digital issue. It’s full of everything Shimmer’s famous for: stories of love and loss and hope and death — and a double helping of wings. We’ll release one new story every two weeks. (Want to read them all at once? No problem; just scroll down to the buy button and get the whole issue at once.)

The Earth & Everything Under, by K. M. Ferebee.

 Peter had been in the ground for six months when the birds began pushing up out of the earth.

Methods of Divination, by Tara Isabella Burton.

The universe breaks so quietly…

Jane By Margaret Dunlap

You will not believe the paperwork you have to fill out when you save someone’s life, and then your ungrateful patient turns around and bites you.

List of Items Found in Valise on Welby Crescent, by Alex Acks

1 ticket stub for Dr. Birrenbaum’s Stupendous Sideshow, with subtitle: Feel the Raw Power of the Ferocious Tiger Boy! Hear the Heartbreaking Song of the Bird Woman! Dream Darkly as You Gaze Upon the Siren!

Buy the whole issue!

All the stories; no waiting. Only $2.99.

Shimmer Issue 19 Electronic
Shimmer Issue 19 Electronic
Price: $2.99
Format :

 

Subscribe!

One year of Shimmer — six issues — for only $15. Never miss an issue!

Digital Subscription
Digital Subscription
Price: $15.00